Counseling for Asian Americans

I help people who struggle with confidence, intense people-pleasing and risk-averse behavior. Many of my clients, maybe like you, struggle with having been under-parented and over-parented at the same time. Their family might have provided the necessities but were not emotionally available in many ways. When their parents did turn their attention to their children, they were often judgmental and demanding. In varying ways, my clients take on the parenting role for their family and are very self-sufficient. They have learned to push away their own feelings and needs, because everyone else’s needs were more important. They do not have too many memories of playing and just being a kid. They were often called very ‘good’ and ‘responsible’ by the outside world, but made to feel inadequate and misunderstood within their own family. They craved love, affection and understanding. 

When they first come to therapy, they are confused by their feelings of sadness, loneliness and anxiety. On the outside, their lives are going well. They are self-starters who have had some measure of success.

On the inside, they spend inordinate amounts of time trying not to disappoint others. They feel burnt out and depleted. They have a hard time making decisions about themselves because they struggle to identify what they want. They minimize their own needs. They might have exacting standards for others, but that’s because they are 10 times harder on themselves when they make a mistake. Self-love and self- compassion often feel out of reach.

I understand the loneliness my clients feel. I think everyone, including you, deserves self-love. You deserve to feel seen. You deserve to feel that your feelings are important. You deserve to feel that your needs are important. If you want to find the direction towards self-love and expand the capacity for contentment, ease and self- acceptance, I would be honored to help you.